A bus pass collection, a strange cat, and thoughts dematerialized.

I have been actually cleaning up my apartment today, and it was disgusting! This morning I woke up to my kitty, Le Tigre, in my face once again. He wakes me up with his whiskers. I ride the bus, and I get a day pass every day usually. Probably would save much more money by getting a monthly pass, but....yeah. I have been collecting all of the passes and putting them together. Maybe I will start a strange collection of it? Haha, I don't know.

Anyways, Wednesday and Thursday were the most depressing days of the year, I would say. I don't even think I have actually ever been as depressed as I was on those two days. But, I must say, I got over it pretty quick. I have a feeling that it will happen again though. But I would say that's normal. I'll just have to prepare so it won't debilitate me from completing schoolwork.

I want to volunteer. I want to do it during this break, and more than just that. I want to have volunteer become a part of who I am. It is interesting, and a great experience to have. It's not about getting to say "Oh, I volunteer". It's more about what it's like to not be me. I am blessed, SO blessed, with the things I take for GRANTED every single day. It's a great feeling, you know, to know it all can be taken away from me, and the reason it is great is because it has such a huge impact on the person. So, to know what it would be like to be homeless, is SO scary! Especially in the winter!
I was talking to a girl who is 25 now, and she told me that she was homeless when she was FOURTEEN! She had run away from home, and lived on the streets. She met so many different people, great people. Being homeless had taught her to not take anything she had for granted. I wonder how different her life would be if it had not gone the way it had for her, and I don't think it would have made her an any better person.

I may be young, but I know what I want in my future and I will go for it. I want to stop the bullshit I've been doing in college, because it will NOT pay off! At all! I have so much more potential than what I've been showing in schoolwork and it's a horrible feeling knowing I fucked up the whole semester! I have a scholarship I have to maintain, and I haven't proven anything of how I deserve it! I feel so unworthy. It's horrible. But then again I feel so blessed to have it. So I'm not going to fuck around anymore. I may want to take the tv out of my apartment haha or let Ricky have it in his room. Really, when I didn't have material items I did so many more things, and that's what I want to go back to. For example, if I don't have anything else to drink, I'll drink all of my hot tea. It's so good, so why am I not drinking it? I had other drinks I could be drinking, and that's the problem. I think people have such a better chance of being healthy in the body and mind when there is no materialistic things to use. Oh my God, and this computer! That's when it got really bad. I can't ever get up off my ass. Seriously, I've thought of throwing this $1600 computer out the window, after a week of having it. I can't believe myself. Someone! Throw a rock at me and maybe I'll snap out of this nightmare!

Who has some similar thoughts or situations? Share! I would LOVE to hear some responses!
:-) Rebecca