Hopscotch through life.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

I used to think, oh look! I really like that. That piercing, I want that. I love your dress! Where did you get it at?! Things like that. But now, I just realize, that every one thing that almost everybody wears has been a total lie. Clothes are made to separate the personalities of people. But, in reality, now, everything is made in what society wants you to look like. They are judgmental, they are biased, they stereotype. Everything is a lie! I am done with buying things. I need to stop. I don't need piercings. I don't need them. They used to make people different. Look around in a crowd, you'll find probably 4 out of 5 people have something pierced. I don't know what to think. Should I laugh at their try to fit in? Should I think how stupid I was to get a monroe piercing before too? I realize now that everything needs to be in it's simplest form. I believe that, truly. Example: I like nuts all natural. Not salted, not anything. Yes, haha, good example Rebecca. "I know."
I don't regret my tattoo, because I hardly even remember its there. But when I do, it symbolizes that I am who I am. Even if others have it too, it must mean something to them too. I don't think I'm going to get mine touched up either. Well, I don't know yet. Maybe.
And I may get more tattoos, but I don't know yet either. I want to remain in my simplest form, but sometimes its okay to display a message of symbolism on your body. And this may not be my body, this is God's temple, but I believe he would allow me to have some meaning to myself on me. If that made sense to you, good.
I just, I don't know anymore! But I don't want to have to find a universal answer either. I can find my own meaning to life, and that's good enough for me.
I love life. I wish I were in a great big field, just living. Living for something. I need a purpose. I need a reason to live. I believe everyone has a reason on this earth, even if it's impossible to complete. God knows that you may not complete it, but he will know that you tried. I just, love. I love my life. I need to. Am I a rationalist or an empiricist? I honestly can't answer that. I don't know. But I don't think I need to find an answer.
And I don't think I need to find an answer to anything. None at all. I don't want to dwell in reasoning, but live for real.
I want to be free. Of worry, of money, of bills, of situations I can't get out of, of heartbreak, of hate, of everything. Isn't that what everyone wants?
I don't think I want to be wealthy. I want to be content.